When starting a new project, letting even one mediocre person join the team is just as stupid as letting a bunch of Snakes On A Plane. Just one snake can really cause a bunch of problems. People panic, everything starts to go haywire, the stewardesses are freaking out; it's bad news.

We all know that it's never just one snake though. The snake always brings his friends along, and that's when the shit really hits the fan. When there's multiple snakes they start to come from every direction, the chaos and panic starts to increase exponentially, and it quickly becomes too late to do anything about it, as shown below:


Unfortunately, in the real world, we always seem to end up with at least one snake somewhere on the team. That's life right? What can we do about it? Well, when faced with that situation, I've found that it's best to:

  1. Identify the snake as quickly as possible. I suggest lengthening out your sssses while talking to them, so that others on the team know that you're talking to the snake in snake language.

  2. Make sure that none of their other snake buddies start to encroach in on the project. If you have a boneheaded manager who starts to hire a bunch of clearly incompetent people he used to manage at a consulting company, it's probably a good time start panicking. The snakes are on board at that point.

  3. If things get really bad, try to be Samuel L. Jackson and kick some motherfucking snake ass.

  4. As a last resort, always have a parachute. When the captain is halfway digested by sort of python and there's a cobra spitting poison at you, it's probably time to eject.